Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
