My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
