Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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