Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
