i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
