it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
