bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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