we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
