Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
