I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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