Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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