There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
