I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
