Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
