And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
