I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
