Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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