i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
