There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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