Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
