you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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