I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Randomize
