then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
