thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
