I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
