I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
