I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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