Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My first STD was from a foam party
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
