Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
