Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
