You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
