It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
