So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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