You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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