i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
