He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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