Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
