i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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