So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
