wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
