Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
