Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
