Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
