before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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