Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
