let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
