I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
