operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
