Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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