Me too!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
